Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
