She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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