My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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