SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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