You're completely useless in the revolution.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize