i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize