I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
