grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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