i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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