What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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