My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do vagina's smell?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
