So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize