ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
