the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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