I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
