Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
