I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
