does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
