upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Randomize