we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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