I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Shame is for Republicans.
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