2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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