therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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