I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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