Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
