last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
