Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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