I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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