Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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