Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
