Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
