I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize