i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
