A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize