I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
