I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
