i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
