Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
