I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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