Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
