So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
