so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
