Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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