he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
