No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
