dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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