The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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