this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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