As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize