mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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