You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
