Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
there is puke in my bra ... again
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