You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
