My first STD was from a foam party
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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