the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
