He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
