I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
