i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
