3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Randomize