Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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