Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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