When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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