How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
