What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize