ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
