just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Are my feet made of real feet?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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