i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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